Finding myself getting a bit overwhelmed with this process. The blog is taking on a life of its own, and beginning to eclipse the object of the exercise. When I get ready to pray through the List, I find myself distracted by the thots I wanted to be sure and include in this journal. And, to be perfectly honest, I don't think I have any idea how to really let go. Real, deep down trust--whether in God or anyone else--just doesn't seem to be a part of my make up.
God promises to never test us beyond what we're able to bear, and to always provide a way of escape. Have I been so bent on my own vision of justice that I've refused His grace? Well, yes. I don't suppose any other answer would be honest.
Sure, I've forgiven people before, but not until the offense is long past, or not likely to be repeated. The current problem is with on-going issues, and unrepentant perps. Have I lived my whole life like this? When did I miss that first "escape"? Some of the items in these dockets go back a very long way!
I originally learned the concept of leaving the dockets with the Judge from the book, "Forgive and Love Again" by John Neider. I was reading along, and thinking, "Ok, Lord, I've heard all this before. I need something new, something to provide a fresh perspective." The courtroom illustration was quite a 'light bulb' moment, but trust is still a requirement.
Neider went on, after the section on forgiveness, to emphasize the additional need for emotional healing. Maybe that's where I stopped short. Lord, please heal the wounds, and let me receive your grace to stop reopening them!