I once heard an instructive and challenging series of messages on the choices we make when things hit us sideways.
1) We hear God's Word and will.
2) Someone does or says something that creates an emotion in us.
3) We face a decision:
React, based on the emotion of the moment, choosing self-satisfaction, OR
Respond, by returning to step #1, choosing to seek God's directive.
If we leap ahead in 'reaction', we will likely create in the other person a corresponding 'knee-jerk'. As the reaction cycle repeats itself, both sides grow ever farther from caring what God thinks about any of it.
In short, I choose to react to my offender or respond to God.
Just because I keep my reaction to myself, it doesn't count as responding to God. Stuffing the emotion and refraining from letting my heart spill out my mouth, does not qualify as a trusting and obedient response. Fear of the offender, or of the consequences of spewing, is still distrust.
If I've spent my life in distrust, how do I break out of the false sense of security created by my own 'control'? Clearly, I'm not in control of anything, and security continually eludes me.