So, a few more names/offenses popped up, and I had a little trouble with the "don't speak to any of them.." part. I need to add the new items to the list, and let the Holy Spirit lay His hand on my mouth.
Matthew 12:34-36 teaches that the mouth is the overflow valve for the heart, and my heart is full-to-overflowing with all this grief. The first time I had a chance to share this program/process with a friend (who also happens to be an offender), I found myself venting. To him. About him. oops. Does it help that I said I was sorry, and acknowledged that my resentment has been my choice, my responsibility?
It occurred to me this morning that my time is terribly occupied with the continual rehearsing of all this mess. It's like I'm dragging all these people around behind me with chains, everywhere I go. I'm determined not to let them go until they say they're sorry, and give me back the personal worth I believe they took away.
It makes me wonder what my life will be like when I completely release them into the custody of my Judge/Advocate. How much time and energy have I been losing every waking (and sleeping) moment?